Most relationships don't end over a dramatic betrayal. They end because two people never checked whether they wanted the same life, and found out in year three.
These aren't interview questions — don't fire them across a first date. Work through them over a few months, in normal conversation, and pay attention to the shape of the answers as much as the content.
Family and in-laws
- How involved will our parents be in our decisions once we're married?
- What do your parents expect from your spouse — and have you told them what you want?
- Who do you support financially, how much, and will that continue?
- If your family disapproved of me, what would you do?
- How often would we visit or host family, realistically?
What a good answer sounds like: specific, already considered, and honest about limits. "My mother will have opinions and I'll listen, but we decide" is a real position. "It won't be a problem" usually means it hasn't been thought about.
Faith
- How does your faith actually show up in your week?
- What would our children's religious upbringing look like?
- Would you expect me to change or attend with you?
- How would we handle a difference in how seriously we practise?
Same denomination is not the same as same intensity. That mismatch causes far more friction than mixed-faith couples who've actually talked it through.
Money
- Joint accounts, separate, or a mix — and who pays for what?
- What debts exist right now?
- What would you do with a sudden ₦5m, or £5,000?
- If I earned significantly more than you, how would that sit?
- What are we saving toward in the next five years?
Money conversations feel unromantic and predict more than almost anything else. The answer to number 13 in particular reveals a great deal in about four seconds.
Children
- Do you want children, how many, and when?
- How were you disciplined as a child, and would you repeat it?
- Whose career flexes when a child arrives?
- What if we struggle to conceive — how would you want us to handle it?
Number 18 is the one nobody asks and many couples wish they had. Infertility is common, culturally loaded, and often blamed unfairly. Knowing you'd face it as a team matters.
Location and tradition
- Where do we live in ten years — and would you relocate or return home?
- How traditional do you want our wedding, and who's paying for what?
- What does a normal Tuesday evening look like for us in five years?
That last question is the most useful in the list. Anyone can describe a wedding. Describing an ordinary weeknight reveals what someone actually imagines your life being.
How to have these conversations
- Spread them out. Two or three over a relaxed evening, not twenty-one in a sitting.
- Answer first. Offer your own position before asking theirs, so it's a conversation rather than an examination.
- Listen for avoidance. A deflected question is itself an answer, and usually the most important one.
- Revisit. People change. Check in yearly on the big ones.
- Believe what you hear. The most expensive mistake in dating is treating a clear answer you dislike as a negotiating position.
Where LINKUP Naija fits
Several of these are baked into the Naija Culture Quiz — cultural values, family goals, lifestyle and relationship values — and MatchIQ™ uses your answers to score compatibility before you match. It won't have the conversations for you. It just means you're having them with someone whose answers are likely to resemble yours.